EMERGENCY FREAK OUT TIME, HOMIES. I pulled or tweaked or otherwise injured a muscle in my back, like right in the middle on the left side of my back. This has made even the most menial leanings-over to get off the couch or bending over to pick up a slice of cheese that fell onContinue reading “Quick, I Need Injury Stories To Tell People Instead of Telling Them I Pulled A Muscle Sneezing Too Hard”
Tag Archives: this is a true story
How Long Do We Have To Stare At Each Other Like We’re Going To Fight Without Having To Show How Masculine We Aren’t
OH MAN! This guy over here is being SO obnoxious, isn’t he? I knew it was going to be a rough night as soon as we walked in here. You could hear him laughing WAY too hard, and he’s clearly already wasted. He keeps quoting Dane Cook. Jesus, man, this guy…I swear, I just wantContinue reading “How Long Do We Have To Stare At Each Other Like We’re Going To Fight Without Having To Show How Masculine We Aren’t”
The Worst Part About Running Someone Over With Your Car Is That They Never Really Believe That You’re Sorry
You know, you try and try and try to be careful out there on the roads. You keep your hand at ten or two, you only text behind the wheel when necessary or when you’re really in a hurry and you never drive if you’ve already thrown up from drinking. I mean, most of that stuffContinue reading “The Worst Part About Running Someone Over With Your Car Is That They Never Really Believe That You’re Sorry”
George W. Bush May Not Have Been The Worst President, But He’s Certainly The Most Likely To Take a Picture of His Own Dump
I picked up my girlfriend’s nephew from school the other day a.) because I was free at 3:00 in the afternoon and b.) because I’m the nicest guy you’ve ever met in your entire life. Traffic happened to be a little crowded that day on the way back to his grandma’s house, where IContinue reading “George W. Bush May Not Have Been The Worst President, But He’s Certainly The Most Likely To Take a Picture of His Own Dump”
Zack’s Hate Mail from a Guy Who Tries To Relate Too Many Personal, Social Situations To ‘The Dark Knight’
In our offices, everyday it seems like Zack gets a piece of Hate Mail from just about any and everybody you could imagine. Here are some of the keepers: Dear Loser, Why so serious not funny? Let’s wind the clock back one year. You were living in Arkansas, writing about politics and various dribble andContinue reading “Zack’s Hate Mail from a Guy Who Tries To Relate Too Many Personal, Social Situations To ‘The Dark Knight’”
Graphic Locker Room Toilet Humor Provided by The New York Times
The Pissed Off Party: We’re Here To Wreck Congress With a Cane, Thank You
Finally! A political party with some BRATITUDE!! From a buddy of mine with a full head of hair, apparently, there is a political party – The Pissed Off Party – that is aiming to replace every incumbant in the current United States Congress; Republican, Democrat, Independent, Green and whatever it is you call Joe Lieberman.Continue reading “The Pissed Off Party: We’re Here To Wreck Congress With a Cane, Thank You”
This Is What Happens When English Major Nerds Can’t Afford Large Pick-Up Trucks To Compensate
Brazilian Crash Test Dummies Abound in Key West
I’ve had several friends send me links to this story. It’s something you should all read because these people are among you every day: Taking razors to their respective crotches, not only in broad day light, but while driving to meet you or someone you know. Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday atContinue reading “Brazilian Crash Test Dummies Abound in Key West”
If You’re Getting Divorced Over Breakfast, Why Not At Panera?
Uuuuugggghhhh. Alright, a couple of background notes about just what it is you’re seeing here: 1.) These people are getting a divorce in the near future. 2.) They do not know how to whisper; there’s no physical way to yell under your breath, although they tried valiantly. For like, an hour. 3.) The woman isContinue reading “If You’re Getting Divorced Over Breakfast, Why Not At Panera?”
ZACK STOVALL 