If You’re Getting Divorced Over Breakfast, Why Not At Panera?


Alright, a couple of background notes about just what it is you’re seeing here:

1.) These people are getting a divorce in the near future.

2.) They do not know how to whisper; there’s no physical way to yell under your breath, although they tried valiantly. For like, an hour.

3.) The woman is in a business suit and some heeled-nealry-knee-high-leather-boots. She can say many words in very few seconds. The man is wearing athletic-looking sweatpants and an undershirt. He says only enough to be scolded, but apparently, can’t pay phone bills on time, so maybe he had that coming.

You would think they would coordinate outfits. His outfit says “Whatever, that’s like, what you’re going to think anyway.” Hers says “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE SAYING/WEARING/DOING/BEING THAT.” I’d like to think this marriage is about more than wardrobe choices, but I’m failing to see much else by way of substance.

4.) They’re going to split their accounts in half, and he’s going to send money for his half of whatever it is they pay for together, like utilities, frequent flyer miles, and one, single dog (I’m assuming Solomon-style).

5.) Clearly both parties at fault. I’m just glad they tried to clear the air in broad daylight. In a Panera. On a Tuesday. Seriously, for about an hour. I’m not really glad at all, by the way, it hurt me.

6.) His name is either Dave or Dale or Dom. I hope it’s Dom.

7.) This is a perfect example of that time-old adage: “Divorce is never the answer, unless it is sometimes the answer.”

Published by Zack Stovall

Writer living in New York, NY.

3 thoughts on “If You’re Getting Divorced Over Breakfast, Why Not At Panera?

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