Brazilian Crash Test Dummies Abound in Key West

I’ve had several friends send me links to this story. It’s something you should all read because these people are among you every day: Taking razors to their respective crotches, not only in broad day light, but while driving to meet you or someone you know.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.

Yes, you’re reading that right, kids. Her EX-HUSBAND was holding the wheel. Now, I don’t want to play Devil’s Advocate here, but if love isn’t holding the wheel for your ex-wife while she trims her ladybits for her new boyfriend, and he’s NOT still in love with her well, I don’t want to know what love is.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Trooper Gary Dunick said.

She told the police officer this after the crash. Like it would be a sufficient excuse. “Oh, happens all the time, ma’am. Move along.” You only get away with that stuff if you’re Charles Barkley. And the Big Round Mound, while just as rotund I’m certain, she is not.

PS – I want to see the guy she was going to meet. I’m pretty sure he should’ve guessed he was meeting a woman who would be capable of this. Eww! She’s HAGARD! That picture is all kinds of frogged up.

The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne.


“My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there’s a funny side to this, but it’s also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this,” Dunick said.

There’s where you’ve strayed, mate. This could’ve caused at least a baker’s dozen fatalities, and it’s still going to be pretty funny. I would have omitted “serious” with “gross,” or at least “neat-o!”

Published by Zack Stovall

Writer living in New York, NY.

One thought on “Brazilian Crash Test Dummies Abound in Key West

  1. C’mon Zach. That shot at me is turrible. I mean it is one thing to get pulled over while going to get the best blow job ever…and trust me, it was the best ever once I got that damn thing. But it is another to just throw me under the bus. Sure MJ and I gamble, Ernie and I have been known to kill a hooker or two then dumb the body in the swamps surrounding Tunica, but Never have I done that for one of my ex-wives….

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