Author Archives: Zack Stovall

To Do List For The Impending Armageddon on May 21, 2011

Guys, it’s been a good run. St. Louis’ Riverfront Times is reporting that a religious outfit from South Carolina has definitively determined that the end of the world will arrive with Christ on May 21, 2011. Most people, I must say, don’t have the luxury of knowing the exact date of their expiration or extinction.Continue reading “To Do List For The Impending Armageddon on May 21, 2011”

How To Avoid Looking Like A Fool At Your Or Someone Else’s Wedding

I was in a wedding this summer. I’m going to be in a wedding this weekend, and another next spring, and I guarantee you I’ll go to about 30 in between now and then. Every weekend, there’s some couple getting hitched. It’s always a good time, but DAMN YO. There’s traveling, there’s gift giving, there’sContinue reading “How To Avoid Looking Like A Fool At Your Or Someone Else’s Wedding”

A More Compelling Argument for Christianity, Family Reunions, and Vests Cannot Be Found

Alright, let’s take a breath really quick. You got it? You going to be okay? Little more time? Okay. So, we’re good? Good. Okay, okay, where to start. Let’s just talk about what we’ve seen okay? First off, what year was this made? The answer: It doesn’t matter, such music was never, ever popular. Punkpolka?Continue reading “A More Compelling Argument for Christianity, Family Reunions, and Vests Cannot Be Found”

Terry Gaither Advice on Dealing with Bosses, Workers, and Pop Culture

Terry Gaither Advice is a sponsored advice column in which Mr. Gaither lends his own advice and wisdom from his twenty years of working in the professional field on Wall Street and his last six years working from his cell in a maximum security, 24-hour watch mental facility. “Dear Terry, I’ve got a boss who putsContinue reading “Terry Gaither Advice on Dealing with Bosses, Workers, and Pop Culture”

Awesome For Awesome’s Sake

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s awesome. I’ve talked about it before, but I think people who get to do these sorts of cool, sort of artsy, but undeniably awesome things and get to pay their bills with it are the luckiest so-and-so’s on the planet. Unless their luck is solely devoted to their projects, and the rest of theContinue reading “Awesome For Awesome’s Sake”

I Am Most Disappointed At The Polite Construction Workers Outside My Apartment

I’m from rural Arkansas. It was a five-minute drive to the nearest gas station. I live in St. Louis now, which is a bigger city, but I don’t work downtown or anything like that. I’d love to work down there or live in a bigger city like New York, but haven’t had such opportunities. OneContinue reading “I Am Most Disappointed At The Polite Construction Workers Outside My Apartment”

How To Deal With Office Questionable Hypotheticals

One of the worst facets to come out of the Cubicle Culture that has been manufactured for us over the past century or so – especially with the advent of the World Wide Information Superhighway – is definitely the Questionable Hypotheticals. What’s a Questionable Hypothetical?, you ask annoyingly, crinkling your nose the way you doContinue reading “How To Deal With Office Questionable Hypotheticals”

Kevin Garnett Will Show You Dullards The Fine Art of Debating

Ladies and Gentlemen, Much has been made about this verbal confrontation between myself, Kevin Garnett, and Charles Villanueva, currently playing for the National Basketball Association’s Detroit Pitons. This much-ballyhooed misunderstanding has been reported on various social networking websites, as well as venerable sports reporting television and radio stations, such as ESPN, FOX Sports Network, andContinue reading “Kevin Garnett Will Show You Dullards The Fine Art of Debating”

Is It Bad The Only Constant Reminder of Breast Cancer Awareness Month Was Grocery Bags To Pick Up My Dog’s Poop?

So we’re already into November, and I grow a terrible beard. I’ll probably shave even though it’s not the cool thing to do. This was the thought I had when I was taking my dog out for the morning business. You know you’re in the briskness of full-on Autumn when you get a smokestack outContinue reading “Is It Bad The Only Constant Reminder of Breast Cancer Awareness Month Was Grocery Bags To Pick Up My Dog’s Poop?”