The LORD Your God Unscathed By Bills’ WR Johnson’s Lamentations

FT. LAUDERDALE, Fla. – The LORD Your God, Sovereign King of the Infinite and Infinitesimal Universe, says that he is relatively unscathed by Bills WR Stevie Johnson’s Twitter blast at his holiness, blaming Him for his dropped catch that would have won the game for the Bills vs. the Steelers yesterday. “I heard about it,”Continue reading “The LORD Your God Unscathed By Bills’ WR Johnson’s Lamentations”

Kevin Garnett Will Show You Dullards The Fine Art of Debating

Ladies and Gentlemen, Much has been made about this verbal confrontation between myself, Kevin Garnett, and Charles Villanueva, currently playing for the National Basketball Association’s Detroit Pitons. This much-ballyhooed misunderstanding has been reported on various social networking websites, as well as venerable sports reporting television and radio stations, such as ESPN, FOX Sports Network, andContinue reading “Kevin Garnett Will Show You Dullards The Fine Art of Debating”

Former Mrs. Jim Joyce: “Well That Just Figures”

TOLEDO, OH – When asked about her ex-husband, Umpire Jim Joyce, and his blown call that cost Detroit Tiger’s pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game, an indignant Eunice Hampton-Joyce said “Well, that just figures” through gnashed teeth. “He was wrong about everything,” nagged Hampton-Joyce, who claims to be happier alone than with Joyce. “How toContinue reading “Former Mrs. Jim Joyce: “Well That Just Figures””

Clausen: “I’m Ready To Get Started Letting People Down Right Now”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK, NEW YORK – Former Notre Dame quarterback and projected-first-round draft selection Jimmy Clausen told reporters Thursday that, no matter who drafts him, he’s ready to start letting down that team’s fan base immediately. “I don’t have any illusions,” said Clausen, prepping for tonight’s primetime NFL Draft, “But I’m ready to goContinue reading “Clausen: “I’m Ready To Get Started Letting People Down Right Now””