Just When You Thought We Couldn’t Piss Those Terrorists Off Anymore

Alright, people. Let’s compose ourselves. Here’s the scoop: KFC stands or used to stand for Kentucky Fried Chicken. They’re a popular fast food vendor of chicken products and had an old white curmudgeon as their spokesman before he died and was brought back to life in animation form. He even cabbage patches now. Anyway, keeping our composure here, so they’re trying to come up with new products, approaches, directions, and other sundry ways to do this chicken thing bigger and better. High-paid executives and the world’s greatest thinkers sit and think and think and think and…

Now we have the Double Down. Breathe deeply, we’re going to get through this. It’s like a sandwich, but not in the academic understanding of what it is to be a sandwich. Instead of your conformist parents’ bread, KFC has turned your world upside down by replacing bread with two deep-fried chicken breasts. But don’t worry, KFC hasn’t isolated you batty, left-wing, health nuts out there: You can have yours grilled!

Whew. Okay. We got through it. This exists.

People are going to eat this, and some will love it. Others will decry it as yet another sign of the imminent downfall of Fat America. Some will say you will have massive heart failure after a single bite, others will say “It’s not as bad as most other stuff.” It’s probably going to taste about as good as two pieces of chicken with bacon.

I don’t remember the last time I went to KFC, so there’s no real pattern shift for me here. I’m just wondering which executive made this up. I mean, the concept is what it is: “Let’s just throw whatever people like at them and see if we can get them to bite. People, generally, like fried chicken and bacon and treat bread as a necessary conveyance to their fried chicken and bacon loving end. ELIMINATE THAT MIDDLE MAN AND GET THAT DELICIOUSNESS IN ME.” Bingo bango.

There’s a whole Jim Gaffigan set you can watch on youtubes for free about it. I do have to say I’m now hungry. I’ll probably just get a bowl of cereal. With bits of steak in it.