Disney Movies + Three 6 Mafia = Utterly Awesome

This is one of my favorite videos of all time for a number of reasons.

It goes without saying that I’m a huge Disney fan. I grew up on movies like Alice in Wonderland, Aladdin, Robin Hood (the one with the fox, not Kevin Costner), and Beauty and the Beast. Any reference therein is duly appreciated, even though, in hindsight, some of these films are a little frogged up.

I went and saw Beauty and the Beast (the musical version) last night at the Muny in Forest Park, the largest outdoor stage in the US of A, which reminded me of this froggishness. A few notes:

• The Enchantress who started all this stuff was a little hasty in my judgement. Some old and crazy looking woman comes up offering me flowers, I’m probably going to shut the door in her face, too, and I’m ridiculously polite. If she transformed into a beautiful woman, I’d still be like “Whoa…you’re still homeless, right?” /Another door slam. And she did it WAY before his 21st birthday. The kid wasn’t even legal and you’re essentially dooming him to look like a lionbullwolf? That’s not cool, lady. Not cool.
• Anyone else find it mildly off-putting that as the servants transformed into objects that reflected their personality (e.g. Cogsworth became a clock because he was wound tightly, etc.), Lumiere (original name, Walt) became a candlestick, which is one of the more common household murder weapons of all time? “Oh, Cogsworth, you’re a clock?! Lumiere, you’re a candlestick! Jeff, you’re a loaded handgun!” Also, Lumiere seemed to be a bit of a Pepe Le Pew-esque rapist. Just sayin’.
• Disney did right by making the coolest character in the movie the villain, Gaston. Very Darth Vader of them. However, they didn’t give him the death he deserves. He haphazardly falls off the castle after shanking the Beast, fading into the darkened depths to an assumed fatal dose of blunt force gravitational trauma? Whatever. Meanwhile, a random henchman gets the COOLEST death in a Disney movie when the Opera-singing wardrobe crushes a man to death. Go to 1:10 at this video. After a quick cut to Gaston to let the Wardrobe smear the blood and guts off her, the man is still fused to the hardwood floor crater. THAT’S  a way to go.
• I understand that this is a version of a fairytale, but this movie was made in 1991; the concept of love really should’ve been about more than just a dying smooch. I mean, even I kissed more than ONE consenting female prior to my 21st birthday. That’s not love. But I guess that would’ve been too real. Also, I guess that would’ve opened up a Pandora’s box and a wellspring of kid’s questions about the social restraints against bestiality, love-making, etc.

Whatever, I’m over it.

I also love that video because I love Three 6 Mafia. I’ve already mentioned this before (and it’s an awesome story), but one of my fondest memories of college was after the 2007 Academy Awards. The rap trio won for Best New Song in a Film for “Hard Out Here For a Pimp” in Hustle n Flow.  You would have though the Grizzlies would have won the NBA Finals (although this is still probably more likely to happen again than that). Best part? At the time, it was Martin Scorsese – zero, Three 6 Mafia – one on the “How many Oscars do you own?” scale.

In the post-award interview, I believe it was DJ Paul (left, belly full) who pointed to his golden, highly coveted Academy Award and said “I’ma hafta melt this thang down; You can’t buy weed and pussy with this.”

So friggin fly.