Stephen Hawking Knows Aliens Are Going To Be Douchebags

Stephen Hawking says there are aliens. Stephen Hawking can’t walk, but I believe him anyway.

Stephen Hawking says that these aliens, if they ever come to Earth, are probably going to bring some bad tidings. Stephen Hawking can’t talk, but he’s the smartest man on our planet right now, so yeah, I believe him.

Jimmy Kimmel knows what’s up. And, in other name-drop-worthy news, the alien featured in this bit is none other than BJ “Honkey” Lange, a buddy of mine from the Improv Trick in St. Louis. BJ and I met when I first moved up to the Gateway City and he was one of the first people to really encourage to get me involved with comedy, improv, whathaveyou. Always nice, quick to offer advice, and one heck of a model American. He also drives around in a car that has an American flag paint job.

So big ups to BJ, big downs to aliens. Keep em outta my country planet.

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