In our offices, everyday it seems like Zack gets a piece of Hate Mail from just about any and everybody you could imagine. Here are some of the keepers:
Hey, man. Is that your dog? It’s a simple enough question: Is that your dog?
ARE YOU SERIOUS, MAN?! ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS?!
I can’t believe you’d do that. What are you thinking?! Just pick up your own dog’s crap. Christ, it’s common courtesy. I mean, your dog just left a huge loaf in my front yard. You’re the only guy and dog who’s walked by here in the last twenty minutes. I get home from work, relax a little bit, see you and your gargantuan dog outside, reminds me I need to go out to get my mail, and WHAT DO YOU THINK I FIND? I’m now ankle-deep in your dog’s painfully large pile of crap.
THESE ARE MY WORK SHOES, MAN! I’VE GOTTA WEAR THESE IN THE OFFICE EVERYDAY. I DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER BLACK SHOES THAT WILL MATCH, DAMMIT.
Do you smell that? How can you not smell that! It’s mid-April and there’s steam coming off that thing. It’s DISGUSTING. Why don’t you have a little bag with you? There’s a park literally throwing-distance away from here with little MuttMitt stations all around it. You couldn’t have picked up one?! What do you mean, he already used it? I find that hard to believe that this dump shared any space with another dump. There’s no room for that inside him…Well, then you grab an extra one and shove it into your stupid pocket THIS IS NOT DIFFICULT.
ARRGGHHH! IT’S IN THE GROOVES OF MY SOLE! HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET THAT OUT? HAVE I MENTIONED THESE ARE MY WORK SHOES?! I’M GOING TO HAVE TO USE MY TOOTHBRUSH AND GET A NEW ONE.
This is so freaking frustrating. This is just what I needed today. I’m trying to unwind after a busy day at my office, and here I come to find that your dog has unloaded the most reeking, foul thing I could ever imagine in my yard, right by my open window. So help me GOD if I track any of your dog’s crap into my house, I am going to lose it. How would you like it if I came and let my dog just crap, crap, crap all over your property, huh? What if I came over and took a dump on your front doorstep? That wouldn’t disgust you? That wouldn’t want to make you gag and barf all over the place? I WANT TO GAG AND BARF ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Nah, it’s fine. I got a grocery bag inside. It happens. Just come back and clean up next time, cool? Checked out your Web site, by the way. It was alright. Not really for me, but ehhh, it was okay.
PS – WHEN I WENT IN TO GO GET THAT STUPID GROCERY BAG I TRACKED CRAP ALL OVER THE PLACE. MY WIFE IS GOING TO STAB ME, WHICH MEANS YOU’RE A DEAD MAN. THIS WEB SITE SUCKS.
PPS – What kind of dog is that, anyway? He’s adorable.