Why Is It EVERY Time I Go To The Grocery Store I Grab The ONE Motorized Cart With the Squeaky Wheel?


So I’m in the grocery store, and has this happened to anyone else? Sweet mercy, is it annoying or what?!

It’s like EVERY time I go to the grocery store I grab the ONE motorized cart with the squeaky wheel! I mean, I’m trying to get my groceries here, I’m not looking for a work out motor malfunction here! It’s just really awkward, you know, when someone’s trying to get something on the side of the aisle I’m sitting at and I’m having to force this stubborn wheel – one of four, rubber, pressurized wheels, mind you – out of the aisle so they can safely reach their chips without touching me or myself. Yeah, this requires me to completely exit the aisle, and at the staggering pace of 1/2 mph, YOU CAN IMAGINE MY FRUSTRATION!

Then I get to getting around the grocery store, and, have you noticed this people? It’s TOTALLY designed to keep you there! They’ve got the bread and the milk way in the back and you’ve gotta get through this ridiculously narrow and claustrophobia-inducing maze of aisles to get to the essentials. You have to pass by the sodas. You have to pass by the candy aisle, which is a bit redundant with candy also being at the check out line, and you have to pass by everything else before you get to the essentials. And by then THERE’S NO ROOM IN YOUR ONE BY ONE FOOT BASKET ON THE FRONT OF YOUR CART.

And they never have enough. I’m always having to come back for more of everything, very nearly every day. I consume all of it, give little to anyone else, as all of my personal relationships are virtually non-existent at this point. I come back in, one day after another, avoiding eye contact at all costs, purchasing the same ungodly amounts of food, candy, soda, EVERYTHING. THEY NEVER HAVE ENOUGH. I AM ENSLAVED IN MY BODY AND SHACKLED TO THIS GROCERY STORE.

…And I ALWAYS get the chair with the bad wheel. My luck, amiright?!

Published by Zack Stovall

Writer living in New York, NY.

One thought on “Why Is It EVERY Time I Go To The Grocery Store I Grab The ONE Motorized Cart With the Squeaky Wheel?

  1. I love how obesity has become a ‘handicap’. Maybe a stroll around the grocery store WON’T kill you. Maybe your fat because you use the motorized cart not in spite of it. Wasn’t Jared supposed to have cured obesity by now?

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