Okay, I’ve remonstrated before about the dangers of food ideas that looks great in toilets on paper, but probably shouldn’t be brought out in the light of day, but this one hits me WHERE IT HURTS: Pizza.

For those of you who know me, you know I’m not exactly “fat,” but definitely not in shape. I’m not someone you look at and go “Oh, he’s got years of heredity and gland issues that’s keeping him plump.” I’m someone you look at and go “Jesus, he could work out every once in a while, huh?” So don’t question me on food, especially on matters of cake and pizza. I love me some cake and pizza.  

This looks too awesome to be awesome. Like if I bought it, my car would break down later, or I’d lose money in the market, or I’d get a brick through my window. There has to be some evil associated with this temptation (NO, NOT GLUTTONY). The Stuffed Crust pizza set the bar for the imagineers of the food industry. It’s like “Oh, I’m tired of JUST having delicious bread at the end of my pizza, let’s make it a cheese stick.” But how am I supposed to eat this? Like an appetizer that turns into a full meal? That’ s an old Mexican restaurant trick: notice the supreme nachos and quesadillas – FULL MEALS IN AND OF THEMSELVES – are always in the appetizer section.

Let me know if anyone counters any demons or vile happenings after ordering this. I’ll let you know after I have mine in about five minutes later.

Published by Zack Stovall

Writer living in New York, NY.


  1. I know what I’m having for dinner. I used to work at a pizza hut and I can tell you, this will make yo tummy ha-ha-hap-happy.

  2. …But what about actual crust? That thing doesn’t look stable enough to pick up a slice with the cheese bites still attached.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s