You Don’t Know How Guilty I Feel That People Are Finding My Site By Searching DEMI LOVATO and CUTTING

A brief introduction to this site and to the notion of search engine optimization:

This site is intended for humorous purposes only. I’m a humor writer, though not necessarily by trade, and this eponymous webbingspace, ZACKSTOVALL.COM, is simply a depot for me to store my thoughts, stories, articles, essays, what have you, so that my friends and anyone else who wants to read it will laugh. Hopefully I’ve been successful thus far. It’s not paying anything, but PERHAPS THAT WILL CHANGE (No, it won’t).

Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is the concept by which marketers of online bidness make sure that their sites are being picked up and viewed by whomever they would like to pick it up and view it. You use catchphrases and statements in the URL and body of your website texts that people are actively searching for, continually and often. Certain words, names, or memes are very searchable, as they are very unique, or very timely, such as an event or celebrity happening.

So you can’t begin to understand how guilty I feel that people are finding my website, ZACKSTOVALL.COM, by searching DEMI LOVATO and CUTTING.

I can see in my statmeter that people are finding my site from search engine entries of DEMI LOVATO and CUTTING (who and which I referenced in a previous article). Good God, I could be profiting from this tragic teen idol, whose name is DEMI LOVATO. People are searching the interwebs for information on DEMI LOVATO, and not necessarily DEMI MOORE (yes, the one married to ASHTON KUTCHER), to find out about her affliction and rumors about CUTTING and THE JONAS BROTHERS. Instead they’re being driven to ZACKSTOVALL.COM.

I don’t want to benefit from DEMI LOVATO and her possible battle with CUTTING or the plight of any other celebrity. This whole BRETT FAVRE JENN STERGER PENIS SCANDAL is something that also gave me some hits a few weeks ago. I mean, BRETT FAVRE? His WEINER? SCANDAL? Who’s Googling this stuff? And why is it coming to me?

I hate to think what would happen if I ever happened to mention the CARNIVAL CRUISE that was STRANDED, that one that had to EAT SPAM AND POP TARTS? I mean, I bet everyone’s searching that CRUISE online. What a CARNIVAL CRUISE DISASTER, and what kind of person would I be if that would lead people to read this humble site? Why, I’d be worse than MICHAEL VICK and his DOG FIGHTING SCANDAL. But perhaps that’s a hyperbole.

I know it’s not like MEL GIBSON and his RACIST, GIRLFRIEND BEATING tirades, or like TIGER WOODS and his whole SEX SCANDAL (speaking of MEL GIBSON, did you hear that BILL CLINTON IS MAKING A CAMEO IN THE HANGOVER 2? That is neat!). I’m not BRITNEY SPEARS CRAZY. I just feel like maybe I did something wrong. But hey, I guess that’s still as up in the air as, say, the whole CAM NEWTON AUBURN fiasco. I’ll try to avoid using optimized search engine names and scandals, especially such sad instances as DEMI LOVATO and her CUTTING episodes.

By the way, did anyone else love CONAN O’BRIEN and his new show ‘CONAN’?!

Published by Zack Stovall

Writer living in New York, NY.

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